tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55963272011-04-21T22:26:24.451-05:00Because irony is alive and wellJonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.comBlogger2371100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1168487470129378762007-01-10T22:50:00.002-05:002008-09-25T18:15:51.368-05:00

At 12:00 AM on January 1st, people of all shapes and sizes across the world stood up and proclaimed, “This year, I will go to the gym more often.” At 6:00 PM on January 3rd, there was not a single treadmill available at Work Out World. I would be a hypocrite if I were mad about that. It had been my New Year’s resolution as well. But, I had been making a substantial effort to attend the gym

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1168147899441994432007-01-07T00:30:00.000-05:002007-01-07T00:31:39.453-05:00

Have you ever felt attached to something that is completely without emotional value? I’m not talking about a teddy bear, or a book written by someone you know. I’m talking about a chair, a computer chair that I’ve had. I’ve just had it. I wasn’t sitting in it when the towers fell. It wasn’t a gift from a deceased relative. It’s just a chair. A chair I have been sitting in. A place for my ass.

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1165289137816525242006-12-04T22:24:00.000-05:002006-12-04T22:25:37.833-05:00

Bachelorette: Te he, OK, bachelor number 4; If I was an ice cream cone, how would you lick me? Audience: Wooooo! Bachelor Number 4: Well first, I would take my Lactaid pills, because I am lactose intolerant and I would hate to lick you then get all bloated and nauseous. I would then lick you hard and quick until I get an ice cream headache, at which point I would sit down and put my head

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1164772232052095982006-11-28T22:49:00.000-05:002006-11-28T22:50:32.066-05:00

So I’m at the gym yesterday, sitting the wrong way in the chest press machine, wondering how I’m supposed to lift all that weight with my elbows, when it occurs to me that I don’t have any pent up energy. “Go to the gym,” they say, “I’ll be a great way to work out that pent up energy and stress.” Not me. I have the opposite of pent up energy. I have pent up naps; threatening to break out at

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1164519118833617932006-11-26T00:26:00.001-05:002008-09-25T18:13:07.652-05:00

Shitty Horror Movie #439: The Prowler I think after chipping away so much at my personal standards, I may have finally managed to lower the bar. Though it is a bad movie, I can’t bring myself to say it was a total waste of time. It’s 1945. A young couple drives away from the homecoming dance to be alone in the park. Strike one. They sit down by the gazebo, but they are unconcerned when

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1163114628388829362006-11-09T18:23:00.000-05:002006-11-09T18:23:48.400-05:00

Every once in a while, when I’m going through my to-do items at home, I’ll come across the sticky note I wrote a while back that says, “What am I doing with my life?” I haven’t been able to answer that question, so the note goes back to the bottom of the pile, below the gas bill and the newspaper clippings of singles events.

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1161053641999722712006-10-10T21:53:00.000-05:002006-10-16T21:54:02.000-05:00

My bathroom sink blew up in my face. It’s blown up before, but not while I was home, much less looking at it saying to myself, “What’s that noise?” BLORP! That’s the noise it made. B-L-O-R-P. All capitals. Before today, I didn’t know why, once every few months, I would come home to find dingy water stains and bits of mildew all around the sink, and the drain stopper rolling around on

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1161052278743343522006-10-08T21:30:00.000-05:002006-10-16T21:53:15.136-05:00

My roommate’s cat is trying to eat me. I think it’s the soap I use. I got out of the shower a little while ago, and now she’s sitting on my lap, as she does from time to time. She seems pretty content, but every time I try to pet her she goes into a sniffing and licking frenzy. Even when I’m not petting her, but typing, I look away for one second and I feel that freaky cat tongue on my elbow.

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1159919746909639882006-10-03T18:54:00.000-05:002006-10-03T18:55:46.920-05:00

Exercise blows. It’s one of the few things that only gets better after you keep doing it. Beer giving you a headache the next morning? Drink more, the hangovers will go away! Donuts making you fat? Keep eating; your body will eventually absorb them! No. The things that are bad for you start out great, but go wrong eventually. The things that are good for you suck at first, but pay off in

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1158717681016121752006-09-19T10:42:00.001-05:002008-09-25T18:17:30.668-05:00

Do you nullify the health benefits of yogurt when you pour bits of candy into it? I’m talking about “Yo Crunch” yogurts which come with bits of Nestle Crunch or M&Ms in the lid. Sure, you might think you have the option not the pour the candy in, but I dare you to buy this stuff and then deny the urge to mix the two. So does the candy cancel out the yogurt in terms of nutrition? Are you any

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1158511712091525572006-09-17T11:48:00.000-05:002006-09-17T11:48:32.103-05:00

DinnerDate4Eight has closed its doors. I don’t know how I feel about that. Well, of course I feel bad for them. It was a great concept that, I guess, never got the volume of people it needed to be truly successful. But, if there were five people in the world that could have told you this company was floundering, it would be the five of us who actually attended a dinner. It’s a shame

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1157866157089182342006-09-10T00:28:00.000-05:002006-09-10T00:29:17.100-05:00

I went to rent a mediocre horror movie tonight and I accidentally rented an awful horror movie. This could only happen at Blockbuster. I wanted to rent “Venom.” And that is what I thought I did, until I got home and realized I had picked up the box for “7 Mummies.” I was disappointed. I uttered some discouraging words. I had picked up the box behind the display copy of “Venom.” It was my

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1156705947735843622006-08-27T14:10:00.000-05:002006-08-27T14:12:27.750-05:00

I got this e-mail from the big V today: Dear Valued DSL Online Customer,Effective August 14, 2006, V___ Online will stop charging the FUSF (Federal Universal Service Fund) recovery fee. For customers of V___ Online, the fee eliminated is $2.83 a month.Starting August 26, 2006, V___ Online will begin charging a Supplier Surcharge for all DSL customers. This surcharge is not a government

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1156051763972148502006-08-20T00:28:00.000-05:002006-08-20T00:29:24.006-05:00

I discovered a kind of charming local quirk today. Apparently the person who donated the land for Greely Park to the city of Nashua stipulated that no money could be exchanged on the grounds. At the “Art in the Park” event today, I discovered that in order to buy a set of postcards from an artist, we had to walk down to the sidewalk to make the transaction. I thought that was funny. So anyway

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1155000130515763662006-08-07T20:21:00.000-05:002006-08-07T20:40:39.823-05:00

My trip to Water Country was kind of a blur; literally, because I decided to leave my glasses with my bag. But also, the whole thing was also kind of surreal too. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Several weeks ago, a female friend of mine, who is, unfortunately, just a friend, invited me to join her and a group of her friends at Water Country. I hadn’t been there since I was a wee lad, so I

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1152465624499414752006-07-09T12:19:00.000-05:002006-07-09T12:20:24.510-05:00

Not long after I posted that little rant about DinnerDate4Eight, I got an e-mail from them. It was short and to the point: “Dinner, Wednesday, 7:00. Please confirm,” (give or take a pronoun).A nearly leaped for joy, but I just sat down, and I was comfortable. Plus, after all this time, I was a little overwhelmed it was finally happening. So, I sent a reply saying I was in, so make with the

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1152153088261252362006-07-05T21:31:00.000-05:002006-07-05T21:31:28.276-05:00

A friend of mine invited me to go to Water Country in August. Of course I said yes, because Water Country friggin’ rocks, and I haven’t been there in ages.But there’s a fundamental question that’s troubling me. What do I do with my glasses while I’m there? I obviously can’t wear them on the waterslides, because I’ll loose them about two feet down the first slide, and then someone will step on

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1151501268339774622006-06-28T08:22:00.000-05:002006-06-28T08:27:48.363-05:00

I was accosted by a Storm Trooper last weekend. I’m not talking about the Germans with the pointy hats, but the guys in the white plastic uniforms from a certain, low profile film you may have heard of. And for those of you who are always on the lookout for sexual context, that’s “accosted,” not “molested.” The former involves being bothersome. The later involves an after-school special.I think

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1150934666072465762006-06-21T19:03:00.000-05:002006-06-21T19:04:26.083-05:00

The fundamental complaint I have about this “DinnerDate4Eight” service is that they seem to be having trouble finding seven other people. Granted, I don’t know how the system works; maybe they don’t accept just any old loser. But, that would be ignoring the fact that they have accepted me.The concept is cool. Four men and four women are put together for dinner. Although all parties are single,

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1150765030927586632006-06-19T19:56:00.000-05:002006-06-19T19:57:10.946-05:00

I’m not getting much attention through my personal ad. I’m thinking of changing the headline to something more engaging. What do you think of “12-Inch Stud Seeks Plank to Nail” ?How does that strike you? Do you think you’d click it just to see what kind of jerk I was? I’d have to follow it up with an equally engaging description:“YOU: a woman (or women) with tight clothing, loose morals, long

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1149911289399986692006-06-09T22:17:00.000-05:002006-06-09T22:48:09.486-05:00

This is an ACTUAL line about an ACTUAL movie:"The theatrical version has scenes that were removed or severely truncated for broadcast on American TV, due to nudity, sex, the use of real life dwarfs, mutilated and otherwise deformed people, and allegedly profane references to the Catholic Church."Now, how does that sound out of context? It sounds like a fun Friday night to me.Actually, the movie

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1149888220542047262006-06-09T16:22:00.000-05:002006-06-09T16:23:40.556-05:00

There’s a contest on Sobe bottles to win something. It does not state anywhere on the bottles what you could win. All I know is that I haven’t won it yet. Basically I'm getting bottle caps that tell me I'm a loser for no reason.

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1149461749093518442006-06-04T17:55:00.000-05:002006-06-04T17:55:49.106-05:00

Sometimes when I’m awake at night, I think of funny ways to start a story. I don’t even think about what the story would be about; just a catchy intro paragraph that would give the reader a laugh and make them want to hear more. Intro’s like this:“During lovemaking she called out six different names. None of them were mine. I got Steve, Bill, Dave, two Mikes (I would later find out that they were

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1147822167628648192006-05-16T18:24:00.000-05:002006-05-16T18:29:27.636-05:00

AAAHHH! Burning ball of flame in the sky! What is it? I feel it penetrating my spongy, mushroom speckled skin! It's making the clouds go away! Come back clouds! I can't remember life without you! It's drying up the water! How will I breathe without water? I'm starting to flop around, my tail fin is begining to ache. If all the water dries up, where will I go to spawn?Um. OK. Got carried away with

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1147492967370049672006-05-12T23:01:00.000-05:002006-05-12T23:02:47.383-05:00

I had that dream again where I was back in high school. But, it wasn’t like I was re-living my early years, I had long since graduated and I was back taking new classes, like I was trying to get my P.H.D in Home Ec., or something.In fact, I was a senior again. I was cocky. I would wander the halls when I should have been in class. I didn’t even have a hall pass. Whenever anyone gave me shit, I

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1147052075271074632006-05-07T20:30:00.000-05:002006-05-07T20:34:35.286-05:00

Snooty Bartender: Good evening, sir. And what would you like to drink?Jon: I’ll have a Mike’s Hard Lemonade.Snooty Bartender: I’m sorry sir, but we can’t serve that drink to men.Jon: …huh?Snooty Bartender: We reserve Mike’s for our female patrons.Jon: What? Why?Snooty Bartender: Because it’s a bitch beer.Jon: A bitch beer?Snooty Bartender: Yes sir, a beer consumed by bitches.Jon: So you’re saying

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1146273515076115812006-04-28T20:16:00.000-05:002006-04-28T20:18:35.086-05:00

I truly despise the system of naming stadiums after their corporate sponsors. Places that once had character, location, and instant name recognition now operate under the label of the nationwide chains that support them. It’s really depressing. Sports fans or not, I’m sure you’re all with me on this.Well, as some of you know, this corporate naming system has shrunk to a new, surprisingly stupid

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1146007190194702582006-04-25T18:18:00.000-05:002006-04-25T18:19:50.203-05:00

My chocolate bunny is deranged! Look at those crazy eyes man! He'll eat your soul!

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1145734069606487702006-04-22T14:27:00.000-05:002006-04-22T14:27:49.616-05:00

The place is in Nashua which, so far, as turned out to be a pretty agreeable city. Sure, I’ve been to Nashua a bunch of times, and I’ve worked there for over a year, but it’s not until you actually live there that you feel like you’re getting to know the layout of the town and where all the important stuff is (I now know where to get crack. You know, if I need it).Spreading out has been something

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1145321783446882902006-04-17T19:55:00.000-05:002006-04-17T19:56:23.456-05:00

Wow, this blog is stagnant, does this guy ever update?Oh wait, shit. This is my blog! Sorry.I done moved. Again. While I don’t move as often as some people… cough cough greg cough… I feel like I haven’t settled anywhere in quite a while. Going home was supposed to be temporary. Then, all of the sudden, I woke up on the far side of two years and I was still living with my parents. I had become

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1143061829092051932006-03-22T15:58:00.000-05:002006-03-22T16:10:29.130-05:00

You'd all be proud of me, I almost went to the gym today. Got my bag out and everything.Those plans went to hell when Mike called me mid-day to tell me he got an X-Box 360, Call of Duty 2, and Oblivion.He asked if I wanted to come try it out after work. The thought of saying, "I can't, I was planning on going to the gym." or, "Sure, but let me go to the gym first." NEVER crossed my mind. If any

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1140039233547175352006-02-15T16:32:00.000-05:002006-02-15T16:33:53.556-05:00

For some reason, everywhere I go I smell burnt popcorn.I have a theory. Since I have a cold, and my right nostril is completely clogged, I think my left nostril has developed a more acute sense of smell; like a blind man whose other senses are sharpened to compensate for his lack of sight.I believe that I now have superhuman smelling. Through my sole working nostril I am able to determine who has

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1139276076708987152006-02-06T20:28:00.000-05:002006-02-06T20:34:36.733-05:00

Going to a spa, in any context, is not considered a manly activity. It doesn’t matter if you’re getting a massage for a weightlifting injury, or trying to bang the manicurist, the minute you tell anyone you’re going to a spa, you get laughter, pointing, and the universal hand signal for, “You have huge breasts.”Such was the response I often got from my friends and family when I told them that,

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1137986930057163992006-01-22T22:26:00.000-05:002006-01-22T22:28:50.070-05:00

I had the strangest dream the other night.I dreamed that Howard Stern had died, and I followed his soul as it sank down to hell. I saw him wake up in a small room, in bed next to an ugly, disfigured woman. A deep voice spoke from out of the thin air, “Howard Stern! For all of your sins in life, you are damned to spend eternity with this woman!”I turned away and clawed my way back from the depths

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1137639223181105432006-01-18T21:53:00.000-05:002006-01-18T21:53:43.193-05:00

The last time a woman voluntarily gave me her phone number was after I hit her car with mine.

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1136603144049097102006-01-06T22:04:00.000-05:002006-01-06T22:05:44.050-05:00

As usual, Chris and I were giving Steven Segal some shit.Actually, it might never have happened. His current direct to video release might have, like the last 35, gone unnoticed were it not for its proliferation. We were remarking how Blockbuster had two shelves worth of Jim Jarmusch’s “Broken Flowers,” starring the increasingly compelling Bill Murray, and they had four shelves worth of Steven

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1134875223139868242005-12-17T22:04:00.000-05:002006-01-06T22:03:49.800-05:00

MTV Killed the Video StarI am no longer a part of MTV’s continually shrinking target audience. I am neither 15-and a-half years old, nor am I a brain damaged monkey. Thus, I do not enjoy their programming.When people talk about things they used to like or used to be a part of, they are prone to remember things fondly, even if it wasn’t always rainbows and kittens; likewise, I seem to remember MTV

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1134696580196010032005-12-15T20:28:00.000-05:002005-12-15T20:29:40.206-05:00

I’ve just watched the Japanese horror film, “Dark Water.” I think it’s a testament to the movie’s mediocrity that five minutes after taking the DVD out of the player, the plot, characters, and details of the film had completely escaped my mind. This is also an indication of the similarities between all Japanese ghost movies that I’ve seen in the last four years.Let’s see, Dark Water is about a

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1133398166047419362005-11-30T19:49:00.000-05:002005-11-30T19:49:26.056-05:00

I have an idea for a new invention. Hear me out on this one.We’ve all been put on hold. Many times, we’ve been put on hold before we’ve even had the chance to talk to a real person. “Your call is important to us, please stay on the line and our next available representative will help you,” says the recording. It’s frustrating, it’s annoying, it’s downright unethical.If you’re like me, you’re

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1132506682657886262005-11-20T12:10:00.000-05:002005-11-20T12:11:22.670-05:00

Though most people are in agreement, I’ve taken a bit of flak from some of my male friends regarding my blanket statement that Hugh Hefner’s “Girlfriends,” are unattractive.Don’t get me wrong. I respect Hugh. He’s the definition of class, and we are using the plural “girlfriends” here. Who can do better than that? But I think his choice in mates is very blind-sighted.It would be difficult to

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1132110483747202492005-11-15T22:01:00.000-05:002005-11-15T22:08:03.756-05:00

About a month and a half ago, my gym terminology changed.When I say I “Go,” to the gym, what I mean is that I’m more of a “Silent Partner;” watching things from behind the scenes and occasionally sending in money to keep things running smoothly.Occasionally, I’ll wander over to the facility, scope things out, and go back home, satisfied that they’re carrying on just fine without me.

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1131683628857476822005-11-10T23:33:00.000-05:002005-11-10T23:33:48.870-05:00

There really needs to be a hand signal that says, “I’m sorry that you are agitated and felt the need to blare your horn, but, as you can see, I am properly obeying the yield sign and giving the other driver the right of way.”Unfortunately, the closest thing we have is the hand signal that says, “FUCK YOU!”There’s kind of a huge leap in tone there. It certainly pissed the guy off. In fact, he

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1131252612318790522005-11-05T23:48:00.000-05:002005-11-05T23:50:12.330-05:00

NEWSFLASH! NEWSFLASH! NEWSFLASH!New Hampshire combines state welcome slogan with state motto! New signs read, “You’ll love it here... or die.”

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1130818282997025622005-10-31T23:06:00.000-05:002005-10-31T23:11:23.010-05:00

Muah Hah Hah Hah!Welcome, welcome my children to Uncle Otto’s Federally Censored House of Horrors. I would ask that only the bravest and stoutest of you, only those who do not crumble in the face of fear, enter this house… but I won’t. In fact, due to government imposed regulations, this vile den of terrors is now safe for small children, pets, women who are pregnant, and those with heart

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1130710688867096352005-10-30T17:04:00.000-05:002005-10-30T17:18:17.626-05:00

A few minutes after the kids dressed as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had left, a pair of older kids, maybe 13 or 14 came up to the door. One simply wore basketball shorts and a Celtics jersey. The other wore jeans and a plain black t-shirt. Both held out pillow cases full of candy.I reluctantly gave candy to the kid in the sports jersey; it may have been a costume, even if was also the exact

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1130708860265059192005-10-28T15:47:00.000-05:002005-10-30T16:47:40.280-05:00

This will likely be one of those periods in my life that I will look back on and say, “Did that really happen, or was it all the lighter fluid I was drinking at the time?”We were nearing the end of our pre-designated trial period with Annie. It was time to decide if we were a compatible family for her and vice versa. We were also working against a kind of biological deadline. Let’s just say that

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1129164193361299772005-10-10T19:40:00.000-05:002005-10-12T19:43:13.366-05:00

There’s a new girl in my life, and her name is Annie.We’ve been spending a lot of time together, although we haven’t known each other long. We met for the first time last Sunday, though I’d been hearing about her for a while. My mother had known her, or at least known of her, for a while now through one of the other ladies at work. When we finally met, we hit it off right away. She’s spent the

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1128746292947947692005-10-07T23:36:00.000-05:002005-10-07T23:42:36.030-05:00

Wizard World Boston. What else can I say? The premier magazine about comic books had been hosting their “Wizard World” parties all across the country for years. They had finally decided to come to Boston, and God bless them for that.To be honest, I think they simply piggy backed on a normal large-scale comic book convention that makes its way to the area every year or so. I don’t mean that in a

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1127699975970000382005-09-25T20:58:00.000-05:002005-09-25T20:59:35.976-05:00

A spider, the largest I’ve seen around these parts in a while, has managed to spin a huge web in front of the picture window of our house. This means either:1) He’s noticed that the moths and flies flock to the window at night, attracted by the light coming from inside…or2) He thinks he can capture the whole house.Nature and logic tell me the answer is #1, but I’ve stocked up some grenades and a

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1127349107464590512005-09-21T19:30:00.000-05:002005-09-21T19:31:47.470-05:00

Have you ever been waiting for someone for so long that you begin to realize you'd be dissapointed if they show up?

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1126974565557214892005-09-17T11:27:00.000-05:002005-09-17T11:29:25.563-05:00

I had the occasion to say something which, while totally justified, was going to make me sound like a jackass.The plan was, “OK, have a good weekend. And paychecks are coming in on Monday, right?” With enough emphasis on “…right?” to state that I was displeased with my paycheck being two days late, and would thus not be getting to me until after the weekend now.Aware that this might sound a bit

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1126829862528680702005-09-15T19:17:00.000-05:002005-09-15T19:17:42.533-05:00

Yo!

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1125169074173505252005-08-27T13:47:00.000-05:002005-08-27T13:59:06.020-05:00

LazyLazyLazyJon.Doesn’t feel like writing,when nothing special’s going on.Not that lack of any life-changing events has kept me from writing before. I guess I’m just being lethargic. I apologize to those who have come here looking for their regular dose of chuckles lately, I’ve been naughty. I also apologize to my legion of regular readers (all four of whom I could afford to buy dinner for, if

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1123471039409295662005-08-07T22:12:00.000-05:002005-08-12T19:31:26.300-05:00

The rips and holes in my last remaining pair of vinyl gloves were letting in peanut butter as I continued to smear it, by hand, on the side of my neighbor's house. At that point I asked myself, "Has this gotten too weird?"It all started about a year ago. Way back then, our neighbor from up the street, a kindly English widow who had been a friend of the family since before I was born, had asked if

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1123208212313005802005-08-04T21:15:00.000-05:002005-08-04T21:16:52.316-05:00

Yesterday I had a dream that I couldn't turn off my alarm clock.Then I woke up and realized I just wasn't trying.

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1122256493098038352005-07-24T20:45:00.000-05:002005-07-24T20:54:53.106-05:00

I’ve been having, or may still be in, one of those long periods where I can’t work up the ambition to write. I suppose it could be the result of a number of things; hours of deck staining (finally), working late a few days, and increased gym attendance (well… sort of... not really). The single greatest motivation to be writing now is to not let my blog become stagnant (assuming most of you haven

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1122039032589320332005-07-22T08:27:00.000-05:002005-07-22T08:30:32.596-05:00

Other driver (not me):"Gee, I have to quickly cross three lanes of traffic at once for some reason. Those drivers in the other lanes are going to be surprised. If only there were some way to signal my intent, some way to let them know that I will be changing lanes in front of them very quickly. Maybe a blinking light of some kind...Oh well, here I go anyway."SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1121882476117371822005-07-20T12:58:00.000-05:002005-07-20T13:01:16.126-05:00

Bystander #1: "Oh my god! Look at that car wreck!"Bystander #2: "Jesus Christ!"Jesus Christ: "What?"Bystander #2: "Oh, sorry. Not you."Jesus Christ: "God damnit! Why does everyone keep doing that?"

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1120694923168386502005-07-06T18:57:00.000-05:002005-07-06T19:08:43.180-05:00

Bored on the 4th of JulyWell, I wasn’t really bored. But, I’ve been waiting forever to use that title, and I’m just gonna go ahead and use it.I don’t recall being at a mall to shop on a day when it was virtually empty. You certainly get the brunt of everyone’s fake enthusiasm for whatever product they happen to be selling. Cell phone sellers have always been bad, the people at the Chinese food

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1120087934167419752005-06-29T18:21:00.000-05:002005-06-29T18:32:14.186-05:00

There’s something about a big storm that brings out the child-like wonder in me. I think it’s that way for a lot of people.In that respect, it’s tough being in an office and trying not to act excited when the sky goes black, thunder and lightning start to roll, and the rain comes down in buckets. I try to maintain a certain level of professionalism, when all I want to do is point out the window

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1119928037073845212005-06-27T22:04:00.000-05:002005-06-27T22:07:17.093-05:00

I wrote this last Saturday but never posted it. I just forgot. It was funny at the time:New England Central NewsHome of the most accurate professional weather radar system on the east coast!Tom: Good evening folks. Tonight, "Baby Dangling," officially a crime, says superior courts!But first, here's Chuck with the weather. Chuck?Chuck: ... (Chuck shrugs)Fucked if I know, Tom!Have you people

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1119408078688360932005-06-21T21:36:00.000-05:002005-06-21T21:41:18.696-05:00

My weekend kind of started on Thursday night when my dad and I went to see Batman Beyond… no, Returns… no, Forever… no, wait, Batman Befuddled. Oh, wait, I remember, Batman Begins (Or, as I like to call it, “Batman Begins Again and Does a Good Job of Apologizing For the Last Few Movies”).To give credit where credit is due, Tim Burton’s Batman and, to a much smaller degree, Batman Returns were

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1118717803198091202005-06-13T21:55:00.000-05:002005-06-13T21:56:43.210-05:00

So Michael Jackson’s innocent. As little as I care, I can’t help but know that because it’s everywhere. It’s on the internet, the TV, and the radio. Co-workers are telling each other and even my mom told me when she got back from work.I pride myself in generally not giving a shit about celebrity trials. In fact, I usually go out of my way to not read the articles, not watch the TV specials, and

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1118527642238378972005-06-11T17:03:00.000-05:002005-06-11T17:07:22.246-05:00

It seems as though the last few times I've gone to see the dentist, they've made some ridiculous recommendation about how I could improve my dental health.For the record, my dental health is fine. I go for my regular checkups and I brush, rinse, and sometimes even floss (note to self, need to floss more) every morning and night.This time I had a minor cavity, which has been a rarity since I was

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1117759475433608072005-06-02T19:42:00.000-05:002005-06-02T19:44:35.440-05:00

I've come to face the fact that I have an addiction.I'm addicted to not going to the gym.Granted, this is infinitely less harmful than most addictions, it's still a pretty serious problem. Any delusions I had about being energetic and physically fit have washed away as, time after time, I find reasons not to go to the gym.For weeks I'd been fooling myself. "Hey!" I'd say, "I can stop not going to

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1117346506608781922005-05-29T01:00:00.000-05:002005-05-29T01:01:46.616-05:00

I finally saw Episode III, so you can all stop hounding me. The Star Wars law states that I could have gone another week without seeing it and I wouldn't be arrested, so relax.Overall? Good, a pleasant, even definitive movie-going experience. I had my usual Star Wars-related nitpicks, the kind that I've had since seeing Episode I. Great action, but the dialog was written by soap-opera addicted

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1116291618585610832005-05-16T19:56:00.000-05:002005-05-16T20:00:18.593-05:00

I am a regular reader of “The Onion.” I hope most of you are too. If you haven’t read it, or if you haven’t read it recently, I suggest you click that link to your right and check in on it. These people are putting out the funniest content on the internet today.I mention it today because I was reading my favorite section, the horoscopes, and I came across one of the best yet:Sagittarius:"You

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1116212913828630182005-05-15T22:03:00.000-05:002005-05-15T22:12:27.343-05:00

I apologize for the dry spell between posts. I’ve been preoccupied with this kind of “Spring Cleaning” mood. During the last week, in whatever after-work time that I actually feel productive, I’ve been going through the clutter in my room, getting rid of what I don’t want, rediscovering the joy of forgotten possessions, and often finding things that are, in one way or another, grossly

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1115172897164063452005-05-03T21:07:00.000-05:002005-05-03T21:14:57.176-05:00

The following are excerpts I took from a REAL newspaper article in the Union Leader today:School locked down in recipe for disasterClovis, N.M.A 911 call about a possible weapon at a middle school prompted police to put armed officers on rooftops, close nearby streets and lock down the school.Someone called authorities Thursday after seeing a boy carrying something long and wrapped up into

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1114569256718219902005-04-26T21:32:00.000-05:002005-04-26T21:34:16.720-05:00

I’ve been thinking about my school days ever since I had that weird dream (let’s call it a nightmare) about the nudist colony. Mostly I think about the things I should have said or done that I didn’t say or do.That’s an awful thing; obsessing over the past like that. It can ruin a person, worrying about the things you can’t ever change. We cannot re-record or erase what has happened; we can

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1114135839802668542005-04-21T21:06:00.000-05:002005-04-21T21:10:39.806-05:00

Things have been pretty good as a status quo. I have a few rants. These are just the things I think about during the week:A lifetime ago I applied for a job at Home Depot, but was rejected because I failed the entry exam. I guess that’s what I get for giving my honest opinion and responding with a “No,” to the question, “Do you enjoy when customers and co-workers kick you in the balls?” Now,

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1113519115986675902005-04-14T17:50:00.000-05:002005-04-14T17:51:55.986-05:00

I think there’s a higher power keeping me from going to the gym. Well, that’s not really true, I’m just a lazy ass. Although, the deciding factor this evening was diarrhea, which, when you have Irritable Bowel Syndrome, a lot like an act of God (especially at first, when you’re walking along (or, in my case, driving) minding your own business, then suddenly you have a religious experience, “

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1113160921659038002005-04-10T14:19:00.000-05:002005-04-10T14:22:01.660-05:00

Yesterday was a pleasant multimedia kind of day. I saw a good movie, picked up some good music, I’m pleased overall.First off, a special thanks to the beautiful Stephanie, who guided me by phone to Davis Square from a place that was… um… not Davis Square. Her original directions, which I had written down, were simple enough, but I, inevitably, missed the proper exit, so I was forced to use the

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1113014695846635022005-04-08T21:43:00.000-05:002005-04-08T21:44:55.846-05:00

After a year and a half of parking in the same spot, yesterday I got a ticket.I was angry about it, but it was early and my brain wasn’t on, so I used “Fuck” in the wrong context. “What’s up with this piece of fuck?”Who gives you a ticket outside your own house? I mean, it’s not like I living in Boston, where parking is a strictly regulated premium. I live on the north end of Manchester (the

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1112748608286256772005-04-05T19:48:00.000-05:002005-04-05T19:50:08.286-05:00

I woke up late for work today, which sucked. I hate waking up late, then I have to rush out the door, and when I rush out the door I always feel like I’m forgetting something. You know, I’ll get in my car, and I’m almost ready to drive off, when I think, “Oh crap. Well, I guess I better go back in the house and put on some pants.”My alarm clock malfunctioned, it was my fault though. The radio

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1112565608535203182005-04-03T16:48:00.000-05:002005-04-03T18:12:52.926-05:00

My education came full circle on Friday.This week I was given the task to write an article on the partnership of our company with another company and the technology behind our corresponding products. Knowing nothing about any topic mentioned when I started (well, I knew about our company, duh), I hit the books and produced a well constructed piece. It brought me right back to the days of school

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1111866589615920312005-03-26T14:49:00.000-05:002005-03-26T14:49:49.616-05:00

Well, I’ve just arrived home after a week of watching G’s cats. Towards the end, I allowed them to hang out in the bedroom, but not while I was sleeping, I still put them out of the bedroom at night (or “pretended to go to the kitchen”). I wouldn’t have let them in at all, but they kept pawing at the door, whether I was in there or not. If I didn’t know better, I’d say they had a secret stash

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1111713393563407112005-03-24T20:13:00.000-05:002005-03-24T20:16:33.563-05:00

P.S. - Jen is referring to the awesome birthday cake she makes for me every year for the past few years. She always makes a great tasting cake, but her presentation skills need work. Sometimes it's lopsided, sometimes she forgets a not-so-crucial ingredient. This year, she tried to write "Happy Birthday!" on the cake with frosting. It came out so sloppy, I took one look at it and said, "Who's

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1111713197887631302005-03-24T19:43:00.000-05:002005-03-24T20:13:17.890-05:00

Sorry I haven't updated this week, I'm watching G's cats again and other than work I've kind of taken the opportunity to be a total bum. I've just been watching movies and playing video games.You know what's funny. Telling your friend you'll stay at his place and watch his cats, and then finding out on the first day that you're having an allergic reaction to his cats. Ha ha! That just tickles

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1111218467180219752005-03-19T02:47:00.000-05:002005-03-19T02:47:47.183-05:00

Things are going good lately. I know that life is not much different than before I got the new car, but my mood has been good, and I’m doing my best to maintain that feeling. I wish I could bottle it up for life’s inevitable “downs,” that are always preceded and then followed by life’s “ups.” You know how it is, ups and downs, strikes and gutters. (So sayeth The Dude). All I know is that I

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1111026795265844292005-03-16T21:31:00.000-05:002005-03-16T21:33:15.266-05:00

One of my co-workers asked me to stay a few minutes late to help tidy up the office area for the big meeting tomorrow. I agreed without hesitation, but when he asked, “You don’t have to be anywhere, do you?” I said, “No, but I’ve been really anxious to clean all the ketchup off my car.”The look on his face told me I had to explain.Late last night, someone threw ketchup on my car. There were

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1110945188534775472005-03-15T22:52:00.000-05:002005-03-15T22:53:08.536-05:00

I wish I could say I was a bit more sentimental about cleaning out the van for the last time. It wouldn’t have hurt to show my sensitive side and shed a tear or two for the van that’s been in my family for the better part of my life. I did, in fact, feel sad, but then I thought back on the two and a half years I’d owned the thing; about the time the engine died 65 miles from home, the three

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1110914168922617352005-03-15T14:15:00.000-05:002005-03-15T14:16:08.923-05:00

Well, I got my new car AND my Looney Tunes DVD. Apparently I've had my cake and eaten it too.

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1110669818690941802005-03-12T18:22:00.000-05:002005-03-12T18:23:38.693-05:00

I am not down. Not at the moment, anyway. Given how mercurial my mood has been, I know that can change at any time, but right now I feel as though things are going to be alright. I think it’s important to mention that. I know the people who care about me (which, judging by the comments, is everyone who reads this journal), would like to know that I’m OK. I’ve said it before, but it bears

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1110590633522841242005-03-11T20:14:00.000-05:002005-03-11T20:23:53.530-05:00

Well, the debate about what I should ask for for my birthday ended at approximately 7:30 Tuesday night when my van broke down in the nastiest storm I’d seen in years. (I really liked your suggestion, Kate, I guess I'll just have to wait for next year. Maybe I can take an exotic vacation to VT sometime soon!)I hadn’t decided right then and there that the van had crapped the bed for the last time

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1110253097978514572005-03-07T22:37:00.000-05:002005-03-07T22:38:17.980-05:00

My father asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I put quite a bit of thought into it and came up with a very modest list. A little too modest, I think. I mean, it was stuff I wanted (Resident Evil 4, and the Looney Tunes Golden Collection Vol. 2. I may be aging, but I sure ain’t growing up), but it seemed to lack the far flung desires of a man who was being offered gifts just for being born

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1110131889277956422005-03-06T12:53:00.000-05:002005-03-15T21:50:34.406-05:00

Once again I’ve been denying updates to you, my adoring public ;-) Things have been going pretty quick lately and I haven’t been in the writing mood.First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone for your responses to my post on 2/14/05. It means so much to me what all of you said. If you haven’t heard directly from me lately, I promise to get in touch with all of you. Like I said, I haven’t

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1109367743525292012005-02-24T12:17:00.000-05:002005-02-25T16:42:23.526-05:00

I'm really begining to hate working for my former employers. It's a good thing they already laid me off.

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1109367672926389472005-02-23T16:40:00.000-05:002005-02-25T16:41:12.926-05:00

I was in a rush to leave for work today (freelance at the company that laid me off, not, like, a real job) so I grabbed a random shirt from my drawer. After I put it on I noticed it smelled a bit musty from being in the drawer so long, even though it was clean. Rather than change shirts, I spritzed myself with some old cologne I had. “Woodland Essence,” it was called. A strange brand from

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1108421417862271562005-02-14T17:49:00.000-05:002005-02-14T17:51:29.966-05:00

I wish I could say I was holding my life together better than I am. Frankly, my quality of life has degraded to the point of physical decay. At least, that’s what I think the smell is.I stay up late and sleep late. Kicking this habit has become difficult. Getting to bed sooner just results in lying awake staring at the ceiling, and trying to get up earlier is met with loud protests from my body

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1107803086958898262005-02-07T14:03:00.000-05:002005-02-07T14:04:46.960-05:00

So the Pats won the Superbowl. That’s no big surprise to me. I should have put money on that. In actuality, I lost money. I bet someone that Boston and/or UNH would get trashed again. Everyone was, for the most part, calm and orderly. What the hell!? I guess we’re just getting used to winning. Or we’re drinking a lot less. Who knows.

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1106879749396758772005-01-27T21:34:00.000-05:002005-01-27T21:35:49.396-05:00

I can only describe my existence these past few weeks as, “Zombielike,” where I’m watching TV or sending out resumes instead of eating brains. I shuffle around the house, systematically looking for things to do and then deciding I don’t want to do them. My time is spent primarily in front of the computer or TV, doing things equally non-productive. I only get out of the house to shovel or run

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1105498760033649032005-01-11T21:58:00.000-05:002005-01-11T21:59:20.033-05:00

Still bumming, in every sense of the word, but I've gotten a little work. The company that laid me off called and asked me if I wanted to help them out by doing a little freelance work for them this week. I said yes, mainly because I could use the money, but also because I’ve developed an immunity to irony. Going back in, I thought to myself, “This was a pretty decent deal, why was I so glad

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1104636086378652262005-01-01T22:21:00.000-05:002005-01-01T22:21:26.376-05:00

Happy New Year! I hope everyone has a wonderful 2005! OK, that’s it, that’s all the joy I can muster. I’m in a slump again, a bad slump. We’re talking deep depression here. Laid off from my job (at Christmas no less), single at New Year’s (it makes me feel even more lonely than Valentine’s Day), and generally feeling down in the dumps. But I’m working on it. I’ve been exercising, although I’

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1104551704441189342004-12-30T22:45:00.000-05:002004-12-31T22:55:04.440-05:00

Animal Kingdom seemed even more authentic thanks to the small belts of moderate to heavy rainfall that gave it an organic, rainforest-like feel. Anyway, having indulged in a little too much Egg Nog while visiting my aunt the previous night, I was having none of that crazy ride madness; not that I was having any before. I stuck to the strictly tame, mostly animal-related activities that didn't

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1104551459475498392004-12-30T20:49:00.000-05:002004-12-31T22:51:33.890-05:00

Florida Day 5: Kennedy Space Center (12/9/04) Not much to say, fun and interesting, blah blah blah. The pictures say it all.

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1104528526693843192004-12-30T19:28:00.000-05:002004-12-31T22:49:07.356-05:00

Florida Day 4: Epcot (12/8/04) Epcot was fine and dandy. Ug, don’t feel like writing anymore. It was largely an educational and enlightening experience, well, for me anyway (I pussed out on a few of the wild rides). Highlights included an enlightening presentation on animation, various moving movie and anamatronic rides, all kinds of science and technology doohickeys, and a large

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1104449347297160462004-12-30T18:26:00.000-05:002004-12-30T18:29:07.296-05:00

Florida Day 3: Disney/MGM Studios (12/7/04) Now this is more like it! A movie theme park. That’s my kind place. I also really dug the 1950’s Hollywood Boulevard motif, I guess I’m really into retro lately. I’m actually getting tired of writing. It could be caused by any number of things, which I’ll get into later. But for now I’m just going to run through some of the highlights of the visit

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1104112385473007272004-12-26T20:45:00.000-05:002004-12-30T18:29:42.030-05:00

Florida Day 2: The Magic Kingdom (12/6/04) Without being negative, I think I can say that some of the "magic" of the "Magic" Kingdom is lost on me. Maybe it’s just my age. Having said that, it’s still a damn fun time. I tried a roller coaster for the first time! I didn’t like it. I’m going to revert to my anti-roller coaster stance. My sister told me I need to try more, to overcome my fear of

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5596327.post-1103071830054626552004-12-14T19:49:00.000-05:002004-12-14T19:50:30.053-05:00

Florida Day 1 (12/5/04) Though not my first flight, I dealt with my ride to Florida with less than iron fortitude. Twiddling my thumbs at mach speed and clenching my jaw so tight that it somehow made my crotch hurt. It was difficult to say what I was so nervous about. I'm well informed, I knew the facts; I know there's a better chance of killing myself with a Nutrageous bar than actually dying

Jonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05284949081606303862noreply@blogger.com0