This will go down in history as the week that I almost became a used car salesman. Yea, let that sink in a little. Used car salesman.

When you’re unemployed and eating rejection for breakfast, some of the craziest things start to make sense. After a month of job hunting I was willing to accept any graphic design job no matter what the pay. After two months I was willing to accept any job at all, no matter what the pay. After three months I actually started thinking, “Gee, those car salesmen must make good money.”

Things were getting desperate. I was spending 10 hours each day following leads, cold calling companies in the phone book, and sending resumes to anything with a pulse. The next logical move would have been to sit out on a street corner with a cardboard sign that said, “Will Work For Work.”

As fate would have it, I stumbled two ads in the Sunday Help Wanted section. Both promised and generous benefits (something I’ve been lacking), and excellent income (also something I’ve been lacking). One was a Toyota dealership, the other a Ford. If I knew anything about cars I might have preferred one over the other; but the sad fact is that I know nothing. I’d be lucky if I managed to properly pronounce Toyota (“Why yes, I’m here to sell “Too-oota” cars!”).

I went to both dealerships, on Monday and Tuesday respectively. It was apparently a slow week for car sales. I remember the sensation I got at both dealerships. It was the odd feeling of being watched from the moment I pulled into the parking lot. It was the salespeople, acting casual but otherwise crowding at the window like puppies at a pet store. You want to see heartbreak, walk into a car dealership and tell them you’re not there to buy a car. Wow.

The rest is kind of hazy. I remember filling out the usual work history and background check forms, speaking to people with various English speaking skills, and walking away thinking, “Oh God, what the bloody hell am I doing?” In both cases I had left on the same premise. The job was actually offered to me right then and there, and I said, “Um, just give me one day to think about it.”

I didn’t call either dealership back on Tuesday night, like I said I would. I was hesitating, but at the same time I was ready to sell cars. There simply wasn’t any other option.

I got three calls the next morning. All three temp agencies that I had signed up with had a job ready for me… after one to three months of nothing, all three suddenly had work. That kind of blew my mind. I had to think for a few minutes. Dull office job for meager pay, or selling cars as if my entire salary depended on it… I called back the temp agency that offered the most pay and told them I was the man they were looking for.

P.S. I was just joking before. I know how to pronounce Toyota.