My roommate’s cat is trying to eat me.

I think it’s the soap I use. I got out of the shower a little while ago, and now she’s sitting on my lap, as she does from time to time. She seems pretty content, but every time I try to pet her she goes into a sniffing and licking frenzy. Even when I’m not petting her, but typing, I look away for one second and I feel that freaky cat tongue on my elbow. She took a little nip at my finger, not biting, but tasting.

I’m beginning to wonder for my safety. She is, after all, a very fat cat.

If I suddenly go missing, check the litter box for my watch.

Man, my life is exciting.