Exercise blows. It’s one of the few things that only gets better after you keep doing it.

Beer giving you a headache the next morning? Drink more, the hangovers will go away!

Donuts making you fat? Keep eating; your body will eventually absorb them!

No. The things that are bad for you start out great, but go wrong eventually. The things that are good for you suck at first, but pay off in the long run (Allegedly. Let’s just say I’ve never reached the physical fitness finish line).

I can’t discuss my own physical inadequacies with anyone because their answer is always the same, “It’ll get better the more you do it.”

What the hell kind of solution is that? That’s ass-backwards. I don’t like getting punched in the face either, but does that mean if someone keeps doing it I’ll develop an immunity to fists?

It’s boring too. I can’t seem to multi-task in my head as I exercise. Even if I listen to music, all I can think about is, “This sucks. It’s boring and exhausting. It doesn’t make me feel any better. Wow, check out the junk in that girl’s trunk! Sigh, I’m pathetic.”

I should consider taking up something more engaging like rock climbing or running away from bears; something where you don’t really have an option to give up. That’d whip me into shape. As it is, I get two sets done on the chest press and I’m thinking, “This sucks, I’m going home.”

I guess you have to ask yourself what your ultimate goal is. You have to keep reminding yourself what you’re working for, because frankly, I’m not doing this for kicks. My goal? That girl on the treadmill in front of me. I figure if I just crank this thing up faster and faster, I’ll eventually catch up to her, maybe ask for her number.