I just hopped online to answer my junk mail. Let’s reach into the mailbag and see what we can find.

Oh, here’s a nice one from aedfapegxhasde@aol.com It reads:
“A special offer just for you! Senior citizens take enormous cock! See grannies suck and fuck! Join Now!”

Let's respond, shall we?

Dear aedfapegxhasde,

I was flattered to receive your special offer. It is not often that I am recognized for my merit, much less rewarded for it. I am glad that you chose me, of all people, for this spectacular honor.

I have viewed the portfolio of work on your website with the awe of blind man who has recovered his sight. Particularly, your use of color and composition in the “Wheelchair Bang,” series was almost painterly in its elegance.

The weekly movie clips border on art of an even higher level. I could easily compare your directorial efforts in “Arthritis and Ass,” as well as “Nurse! Blow Me!” to the greater directors of our generation. I dare say the work of Coppla pales in comparison to even your shorter films, such as “I’ve Got Gas and a 10 Inch Cock”

You have a firm grasp of the beauty of the human form. Your figures are like sculptures; intertwined flesh mounted atop the contrasting cold, inhuman pedestal of the “Little Rascal.”

It is with much despair that I report I am unable to become a VIP member of your site. All art is priceless, however I find your monthly fee to be exorbitant. One could view similar works for a fraction of the cost at a museum.

I beg of you, sir. Please do not let high prices stand between the public and such splendid human studies.

Sincerely,

Jonathan