I’ve started the job hunt again because I’m not getting nearly enough rejection in my normal day to day activities.

It first started after the bank finally returned the portion of my money that it was using for hookers and blow. I found that I was still only making it by the skin of my teeth. I suppose it is partially because I am living an opulent life. I’ve squandered my money on such extravagances as gingerale and underwear.

Anyway, of the three things trying to kill me (my bank, my stomach, and my job) my job has taken the last few swings. For one, this financial depression could easily be associated with the $358.89 I pay for my own health insurance each month. No benefits, no sick days, no vacation time. Freelance is a lot like being in school, only if you don’t get “good grades” you’re going to be living in a cardboard box trying to get drunk off Listerine. Performance has never been my problem, but when the deadlines are met and the work is finished, so are you. No severance package, no going away party. “You don’t mind being unemployed until we need you again, do you?”

I hear you say “If you’re a freelancer, why not have some other work on the side?” First of all, the job I have for the time being is a 40+ hour a week gig. I barely have time and energy to make myself an edible meal when I get home, much less start another job. I could cut back my hours at this job and get a foothold somewhere else, right? Wrong. Once my hours start dropping they have to hire someone else to pick up the slack. And guess what? A trained chimp could do my job. Soon enough they’re going to realize that they can get the same work done by hiring someone full-time for less than they’re paying me. And as for, “Getting some other work,” I’d like to direct your attention to Graph A-1. See this large curve that shoots off the graph here? That shows how much ass I had to kiss to get the job I have now.

And so here I am again. I’m shuffling through my address book, trying to find the names of the people who couldn’t help me find work a year ago, but may have something now. I’m checking the papers and the internet. I imagine it won’t be long until I’m cold-calling every design company in the phone book again. That’s a good way of learning about your local graphic design companies; like which ones work with traditional print design, which ones work with multimedia, and which ones are actually pizza delivery places.

“Oh, so you don’t need a graphic designer then? How about a delivery boy?”