Well, Library Girl has disappeared. I guess this was just her summer job. My attempts to strike up a conversation with her had failed by either bad timing or my own self doubt. Now she was gone, off to some school to study some subject she could fall back on if her career as an international supermodel fell through. Heartbroken and lonley, I started crusing the online personals. The following is a real chat transcript that resulted from the one and only reply I've ever gotten from responding to a personal ad. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

(radioactiveegg03):Hi, I'm Jonathan and I'm housebroken

(female chat person): oh Hi hon

(radioactiveegg03):I just sent the sincere response to
your personal

(female chat person): good to see ya

(female chat person): very sweet I appreciate it very much

(radioactiveegg03):I was smitten by your profile. Is smitten
still a useable word?

(radioactiveegg03):smitten sounds like something my parents
would say

(female chat person): I use it lots

(female chat person): lol

(radioactiveegg03):then smitten it is<

(MISC. SMALL TALK)

(female chat person): I'm starting school next month

(female chat person): again

(radioactiveegg03):ah, what are you studying?

(female chat person): massage

(radioactiveegg03):excellent

(radioactiveegg03):So why did you say "Again?"

(female chat person): I went to film school

(radioactiveegg03):now that's very cool!

(radioactiveegg03):I'm more of a film watcher myself, but I love the whole process

(radioactiveegg03):;-)

(female chat person): I am too it seems

(radioactiveegg03):I was often an extra in my friends'
student films. I have such illustrious credits as "Guy at Table #2," and "Guy
that Falls Down"

(female chat person): but I know what it takes to make the major movies

(female chat person): hehehe cool

(female chat person): You cute?

(female chat person): sorry bad question

(radioactiveegg03):No, it's a legitimate one. Wasn't my
picture on my profile?

(female chat person): it wasn't

(radioactiveegg03):hmm. I guess this is the deal breaker
then. One sec, I'll get a link to another one

(female chat person): hehehe

(female chat person): dealbraeker?

(female chat person): breaker

(radioactiveegg03):well, I'm not hideous, but I'm under
the impression that I'm not HOT. I'm cute, I think

(radioactiveegg03):I'm bad at describing myself physically

(female chat person): you very thin?

(female chat person): I'm a big girl

(radioactiveegg03):I'm thin.

(radioactiveegg03):let me know if this works (LINK TO PHOTO*****)

(female chat person): Oh

(female chat person): you have a puppy look to you

(female chat person): I'd break you hon

(radioactiveegg03):oh

(radioactiveegg03):sorry

(female chat person): Thank you so much for chatting you seem real sweet. :)

(radioactiveegg03):thanks

(female chat person): no prob

(female chat person): anytime

(And then she signed off)