I’m not getting much attention through my personal ad. I’m thinking of changing the headline to something more engaging. What do you think of “12-Inch Stud Seeks Plank to Nail” ?

How does that strike you? Do you think you’d click it just to see what kind of jerk I was? I’d have to follow it up with an equally engaging description:

“YOU: a woman (or women) with tight clothing, loose morals, long legs, and low standards.

ME: arrogant and insensitive, but I can stir your drink from across the room, if you know what I mean. I’m usually the life of the party, especially once I start showing everyone the gun that I brought. Thanks to DNA testing, it has been proven several times in a court of law that I do not, legally, have any children; but I would like to start a family one day. I’m just out of prison for punching an elderly nun, but in my defense, the nun was being kind of a douchebag. I’m now happily working part time in the telephone marketing industry. I’m hoping to find a girl who doesn’t do drugs because I don’t like anyone dipping into my stash. I still drink on occasion; that occasion being any day that starts with a consonant. I drive like I have nothing to live for and I give the finger more than I wave. Oh, and I’m a Pisces. Call me.”