2/24/2005
2/23/2005
I was in a rush to leave for work today (freelance at the company that laid me off, not, like, a real job) so I grabbed a random shirt from my drawer. After I put it on I noticed it smelled a bit musty from being in the drawer so long, even though it was clean. Rather than change shirts, I spritzed myself with some old cologne I had. “Woodland Essence,” it was called. A strange brand from Bath and Body Works, a gift courtesy of my sister. I rather liked it.
When I arrived at work I passed through the copywriter’s office to get to my computer. 30 seconds later the copywriter yelled out, “Jon, have you been chopping wood or something?”
I explained it was a new fragrance.
Several minutes later, the art director arrived. The first thing he said to me was, “Hello… are you using a new aftershave?”
I explained it was a new fragrance. He told me it was OK, but I might have put it on a little heavy.
We commenced work. About an hour later, the owner came in to talk to us. She said, “Bill, could you and Jon… um… what’s that smell?”
I explained it was a new fragrance. She agreed that it was a little heavy.
At lunch time I ran around in the parking lot without my jacket. You know, to air myself out.
That’s it, no punchline, no point to the story. I just sprayed myself with a little too much “Woodland Essence,” today.
When I arrived at work I passed through the copywriter’s office to get to my computer. 30 seconds later the copywriter yelled out, “Jon, have you been chopping wood or something?”
I explained it was a new fragrance.
Several minutes later, the art director arrived. The first thing he said to me was, “Hello… are you using a new aftershave?”
I explained it was a new fragrance. He told me it was OK, but I might have put it on a little heavy.
We commenced work. About an hour later, the owner came in to talk to us. She said, “Bill, could you and Jon… um… what’s that smell?”
I explained it was a new fragrance. She agreed that it was a little heavy.
At lunch time I ran around in the parking lot without my jacket. You know, to air myself out.
That’s it, no punchline, no point to the story. I just sprayed myself with a little too much “Woodland Essence,” today.
2/14/2005
I wish I could say I was holding my life together better than I am. Frankly, my quality of life has degraded to the point of physical decay. At least, that’s what I think the smell is.
I stay up late and sleep late. Kicking this habit has become difficult. Getting to bed sooner just results in lying awake staring at the ceiling, and trying to get up earlier is met with loud protests from my body who screams, “I am sooo comfortable right now, don’t you dare move a muscle or I will kick your ass… somehow.” Setting my alarm clock doesn’t help. I find that if I don’t have anywhere to be, I can continue hitting the snooze button for upwards of two hours.
I’m completely non productive most days and all I can show for the other days is a crapload of unanswered resumes. The long list of things I could do usually goes unnoticed as I lay in bed, watching TV programs designed for retarded monkeys, or sit at my computer… right here.
I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakthrough though. With optimism I’m unaccustomed to, I feel like I’m on the edge of something better. I mean, it’s got to be getting better, it can’t get much worse, la de da daaa.
Yesterday, for shits and giggles, I dressed in my formal clothes, sat down in front of mirror, and conducted a complete job interview with myself.
At no time did I ever think to myself, “This guy is a fucking psycho! Call security.” Why I manage to have so many interviews that don’t lead to jobs still eludes me.
Curious, I dressed down a little bit, sat back in front of the mirror, and had a first date with myself. THAT answered all of my questions about the topic. In the end I wound up spraying the mirror with mace and calling a cab.
I stay up late and sleep late. Kicking this habit has become difficult. Getting to bed sooner just results in lying awake staring at the ceiling, and trying to get up earlier is met with loud protests from my body who screams, “I am sooo comfortable right now, don’t you dare move a muscle or I will kick your ass… somehow.” Setting my alarm clock doesn’t help. I find that if I don’t have anywhere to be, I can continue hitting the snooze button for upwards of two hours.
I’m completely non productive most days and all I can show for the other days is a crapload of unanswered resumes. The long list of things I could do usually goes unnoticed as I lay in bed, watching TV programs designed for retarded monkeys, or sit at my computer… right here.
I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakthrough though. With optimism I’m unaccustomed to, I feel like I’m on the edge of something better. I mean, it’s got to be getting better, it can’t get much worse, la de da daaa.
Yesterday, for shits and giggles, I dressed in my formal clothes, sat down in front of mirror, and conducted a complete job interview with myself.
At no time did I ever think to myself, “This guy is a fucking psycho! Call security.” Why I manage to have so many interviews that don’t lead to jobs still eludes me.
Curious, I dressed down a little bit, sat back in front of the mirror, and had a first date with myself. THAT answered all of my questions about the topic. In the end I wound up spraying the mirror with mace and calling a cab.
2/07/2005
So the Pats won the Superbowl. That’s no big surprise to me. I should have put money on that. In actuality, I lost money. I bet someone that Boston and/or UNH would get trashed again. Everyone was, for the most part, calm and orderly. What the hell!? I guess we’re just getting used to winning. Or we’re drinking a lot less. Who knows.
1/27/2005
I can only describe my existence these past few weeks as, “Zombielike,” where I’m watching TV or sending out resumes instead of eating brains. I shuffle around the house, systematically looking for things to do and then deciding I don’t want to do them. My time is spent primarily in front of the computer or TV, doing things equally non-productive.
I only get out of the house to shovel or run errands. Just today I went to the gym for the first time in a week. I think my endorphins are dead. Two months of regular workouts and I still walk out of the gym feeling weak and lonely. Yes, lonely. Imagine being single, shy, and reclusive, and then going to a gym full of beautiful, toned women. It’s like going into a candy store with your jaw wired shut. The little voice at the back of my mind that tells me to say something, strike up a conversation, is the same voice that tells me to shut up and stop making a fool of myself when I start speaking.
TV is awful, but I watch it. I rarely ever watched regular TV when I was working. I’d catch Scrubs and Lost, but that was about it. Now I actually sit down and flip on the tube without any idea of what I want to watch. The results have been disastrous. I’ve floated towards reality shows and gotten stuck like a fly in Vaseline. It sickens me, but I watch this shit with equal fascination and revulsion, I don’t even know why. Even as I watch, I know that this is the bottom of the curve for humanity. I flip from channel to channel, but I always seem to come back. I suppose I could blame TV in general, that there’s nothing better on than two roommates getting drunk and fighting over laundry before going upstairs and fucking.
My money is running out and so is my time. My countless resumes go unanswered and follow-up calls only intensify the feeling of inadequacy:
“Hello, my name is Jonathan and I’m calling to follow up on a resume I sent in. I’d like to know if it was received and if I may be considered for the position.”
“OK, Jonathan. Would you like to be disconnected immediately, or transferred to the voice mail of someone who will never get back to you?”
“Just disconnect me, please”
“Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”
I’ve signed up with two temp agencies who have, so far, both talked me into lowering my minimum salary requirements. I’ve further lowered my already low standards of what I want in a job. Right now I’ll settle for any employer who promises not to punch me in the face more than once a week. That’s my only criteria. …Have I used that joke before?
I’ve had interviews; interviews which, I thought, went very well. Apparently I was wrong. This further proves my theory that there’s something fundamentally wrong with me; something about me, maybe my look, or my posture, or my speech, that people find completely appalling. This is the reason I don’t get a lot of second interviews… or second dates. All I know for certain is that it’s not smell. I bathe, and I use that “Axe” deodorant body spray. That’s some good shit.
I only get out of the house to shovel or run errands. Just today I went to the gym for the first time in a week. I think my endorphins are dead. Two months of regular workouts and I still walk out of the gym feeling weak and lonely. Yes, lonely. Imagine being single, shy, and reclusive, and then going to a gym full of beautiful, toned women. It’s like going into a candy store with your jaw wired shut. The little voice at the back of my mind that tells me to say something, strike up a conversation, is the same voice that tells me to shut up and stop making a fool of myself when I start speaking.
TV is awful, but I watch it. I rarely ever watched regular TV when I was working. I’d catch Scrubs and Lost, but that was about it. Now I actually sit down and flip on the tube without any idea of what I want to watch. The results have been disastrous. I’ve floated towards reality shows and gotten stuck like a fly in Vaseline. It sickens me, but I watch this shit with equal fascination and revulsion, I don’t even know why. Even as I watch, I know that this is the bottom of the curve for humanity. I flip from channel to channel, but I always seem to come back. I suppose I could blame TV in general, that there’s nothing better on than two roommates getting drunk and fighting over laundry before going upstairs and fucking.
My money is running out and so is my time. My countless resumes go unanswered and follow-up calls only intensify the feeling of inadequacy:
“Hello, my name is Jonathan and I’m calling to follow up on a resume I sent in. I’d like to know if it was received and if I may be considered for the position.”
“OK, Jonathan. Would you like to be disconnected immediately, or transferred to the voice mail of someone who will never get back to you?”
“Just disconnect me, please”
“Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”
I’ve signed up with two temp agencies who have, so far, both talked me into lowering my minimum salary requirements. I’ve further lowered my already low standards of what I want in a job. Right now I’ll settle for any employer who promises not to punch me in the face more than once a week. That’s my only criteria. …Have I used that joke before?
I’ve had interviews; interviews which, I thought, went very well. Apparently I was wrong. This further proves my theory that there’s something fundamentally wrong with me; something about me, maybe my look, or my posture, or my speech, that people find completely appalling. This is the reason I don’t get a lot of second interviews… or second dates. All I know for certain is that it’s not smell. I bathe, and I use that “Axe” deodorant body spray. That’s some good shit.
1/11/2005
Still bumming, in every sense of the word, but I've gotten a little work.
The company that laid me off called and asked me if I wanted to help them out by doing a little freelance work for them this week.
I said yes, mainly because I could use the money, but also because I’ve developed an immunity to irony.
Going back in, I thought to myself, “This was a pretty decent deal, why was I so glad to leave?” Then, after working for fifteen minutes, I said, “Oh, yea, that’s why.”
The company that laid me off called and asked me if I wanted to help them out by doing a little freelance work for them this week.
I said yes, mainly because I could use the money, but also because I’ve developed an immunity to irony.
Going back in, I thought to myself, “This was a pretty decent deal, why was I so glad to leave?” Then, after working for fifteen minutes, I said, “Oh, yea, that’s why.”
1/01/2005
Happy New Year! I hope everyone has a wonderful 2005!
OK, that’s it, that’s all the joy I can muster. I’m in a slump again, a bad slump. We’re talking deep depression here. Laid off from my job (at Christmas no less), single at New Year’s (it makes me feel even more lonely than Valentine’s Day), and generally feeling down in the dumps.
But I’m working on it.
I’ve been exercising, although I’m certain my endorphins are dysfunctional. Instead of walking out of the gym and saying, “Wow, I feel like a better person,” I usually walk out and say, “Wow, I can’t move my freaking arms!”
I’ve even been using this “sun lamp,” that my mom has. She says it helps with the winter blahs. I haven’t been feeling any different, I just feel like I need sunglasses all the time.
Here’s hoping for a better 2005.
OK, that’s it, that’s all the joy I can muster. I’m in a slump again, a bad slump. We’re talking deep depression here. Laid off from my job (at Christmas no less), single at New Year’s (it makes me feel even more lonely than Valentine’s Day), and generally feeling down in the dumps.
But I’m working on it.
I’ve been exercising, although I’m certain my endorphins are dysfunctional. Instead of walking out of the gym and saying, “Wow, I feel like a better person,” I usually walk out and say, “Wow, I can’t move my freaking arms!”
I’ve even been using this “sun lamp,” that my mom has. She says it helps with the winter blahs. I haven’t been feeling any different, I just feel like I need sunglasses all the time.
Here’s hoping for a better 2005.
12/30/2004
Animal Kingdom seemed even more authentic thanks to the small belts of moderate to heavy rainfall that gave it an organic, rainforest-like feel.
Anyway, having indulged in a little too much Egg Nog while visiting my aunt the previous night, I was having none of that crazy ride madness; not that I was having any before. I stuck to the strictly tame, mostly animal-related activities that didn't really thrill you, but made you feel good about nature and stuff.
The funny thing about the live animals in Animal Kingdom is that, with the exception of a few species, it seems like all the creatures on display are native to the area. It's as if they just happened to be on the grounds when the park was built. Had I been in New Hampshire, not Florida, I might have been impressed. As it was, I was looking into glass habitats filled with the kind of birds that tried to steal my sandwich at Epcot.
Aside from having more locals than Cheers, they had some gorillas who were just chilling out, a hippo who I got to see above water and under water (they're surprisingly graceful under water), and a wide selection of creepy crawlies kept in glass aquariums which just didn't seem to be thick enough (we're not talking about the kind of bugs you go after with Raid. When these guys show up at your house, it's time to pack up the kids and move).
They also had the world's most disappointing petting zoo. I don't know if it was the spurts of rain, of if the animals were kind of burned out on people, but every last one of them was huddled together within a roped off area labeled as their, "Time Out Zone." Species that were probably natural rivals were piled on top of each other in their little zone telling each other, "If one more kid touches me I'm gonna freaking loose it."
My favorite attraction was within the "Tree of Life," large man-made tree whose bark, upon closer inspection, is actually a collection of hundreds of carvings depicting various animals. Within the tree was the theater for, "It's Tough Being a Bug," an interactive presentation starring the characters from "A Bug's Life." Not just a 3D movie, you were sprayed with water, "stung" in the back, and hosed by a stink bug. Better than the beloved "Muppets 3D." I'm told that I missed a similar experience at MGM in "Honey I Shrunk the Audience," which I didn't intentionally avoid, I simply didn't know it was there. Maybe next time.
It was a short day because we had to catch the craziest ride of all, our flight home.
Overall I had a wonderful time at Walt Disney World and I think perhaps one day I'll go back, but maybe after I have kids of my own, I KNOW they'll freaking love it.
Anyway, having indulged in a little too much Egg Nog while visiting my aunt the previous night, I was having none of that crazy ride madness; not that I was having any before. I stuck to the strictly tame, mostly animal-related activities that didn't really thrill you, but made you feel good about nature and stuff.
The funny thing about the live animals in Animal Kingdom is that, with the exception of a few species, it seems like all the creatures on display are native to the area. It's as if they just happened to be on the grounds when the park was built. Had I been in New Hampshire, not Florida, I might have been impressed. As it was, I was looking into glass habitats filled with the kind of birds that tried to steal my sandwich at Epcot.
Aside from having more locals than Cheers, they had some gorillas who were just chilling out, a hippo who I got to see above water and under water (they're surprisingly graceful under water), and a wide selection of creepy crawlies kept in glass aquariums which just didn't seem to be thick enough (we're not talking about the kind of bugs you go after with Raid. When these guys show up at your house, it's time to pack up the kids and move).
They also had the world's most disappointing petting zoo. I don't know if it was the spurts of rain, of if the animals were kind of burned out on people, but every last one of them was huddled together within a roped off area labeled as their, "Time Out Zone." Species that were probably natural rivals were piled on top of each other in their little zone telling each other, "If one more kid touches me I'm gonna freaking loose it."
My favorite attraction was within the "Tree of Life," large man-made tree whose bark, upon closer inspection, is actually a collection of hundreds of carvings depicting various animals. Within the tree was the theater for, "It's Tough Being a Bug," an interactive presentation starring the characters from "A Bug's Life." Not just a 3D movie, you were sprayed with water, "stung" in the back, and hosed by a stink bug. Better than the beloved "Muppets 3D." I'm told that I missed a similar experience at MGM in "Honey I Shrunk the Audience," which I didn't intentionally avoid, I simply didn't know it was there. Maybe next time.
It was a short day because we had to catch the craziest ride of all, our flight home.
Overall I had a wonderful time at Walt Disney World and I think perhaps one day I'll go back, but maybe after I have kids of my own, I KNOW they'll freaking love it.
Florida Day 4: Epcot (12/8/04)
Epcot was fine and dandy.
Ug, don’t feel like writing anymore.
It was largely an educational and enlightening experience, well, for me anyway (I pussed out on a few of the wild rides).
Highlights included an enlightening presentation on animation, various moving movie and anamatronic rides, all kinds of science and technology doohickeys, and a large international pavilion featuring cultures from all over the world.
My dad made a note of how, besides a few shows and about one culture film in each area, the international area was really just a string of gift shops, an international super mall if you will. He had that right, but I enjoy shopping, so I was OK with it.
Apparently Disney makes it a policy to hire only natives of that country in each international pavilion. I was crazy about this, it was so cool. It was a kaleidoscope of accents and mannerisms. And the women, oh the women, exotic and lovely. In the hot chick international category, we have a tie for first place between the strong yet delicate women of Germany (well, of Epcot Germany anyway. The real Germans might be different), and the exotic beauties of Japan. I bet I’d be a stud in Japan. A tall American stud muffin with my wild Western manners. I would dominate Japan like Godzilla… or not… it’s just a theory I have.
One new album “Other Misc Shots,” can be found at the picture site http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/radioactiveegg03/my_photos , comprised mainly of pictures taken by other members of my family. Some good stuff in there.
Epcot was fine and dandy.
Ug, don’t feel like writing anymore.
It was largely an educational and enlightening experience, well, for me anyway (I pussed out on a few of the wild rides).
Highlights included an enlightening presentation on animation, various moving movie and anamatronic rides, all kinds of science and technology doohickeys, and a large international pavilion featuring cultures from all over the world.
My dad made a note of how, besides a few shows and about one culture film in each area, the international area was really just a string of gift shops, an international super mall if you will. He had that right, but I enjoy shopping, so I was OK with it.
Apparently Disney makes it a policy to hire only natives of that country in each international pavilion. I was crazy about this, it was so cool. It was a kaleidoscope of accents and mannerisms. And the women, oh the women, exotic and lovely. In the hot chick international category, we have a tie for first place between the strong yet delicate women of Germany (well, of Epcot Germany anyway. The real Germans might be different), and the exotic beauties of Japan. I bet I’d be a stud in Japan. A tall American stud muffin with my wild Western manners. I would dominate Japan like Godzilla… or not… it’s just a theory I have.
One new album “Other Misc Shots,” can be found at the picture site http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/radioactiveegg03/my_photos , comprised mainly of pictures taken by other members of my family. Some good stuff in there.
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