Alright, let’s see here, I’ve done 20 minutes on the treadmill and 25 crunches. Well, that’s pretty much the gamut of exercises I know how to do. Let’s take a look at one of these weightlifting contraptions here.

Hmm, Lats, Delts, Pecs… Oooh, Biceps! I wanna work on my biceps.

I sit down on the machine and read the instructions, which begin by telling me I’m sitting on the machine backwards.

OK, now I’m sitting the right way… extend arms, rest elbows on pad, blah blah blah. OK, here we go… UNG! Hmm, too much weight, let’s see… it’s at sixty pounds… how about forty. UHG! Still too much. How about thirty? UNG! Oh come on. How about… hey, it goes from thirty to ten! What the hell? Alright, ten pounds.

I do one rep.

Ha! This isn’t so bad. I can already feel the burn. Woo hoo! Two… three… four… fi… fi… UNG!... four and a half… fi… fiv… five!

I all but let go of the handle bars and it drops back into the start position with a loud clank. I cringe at the sound.

OK, it’s OK. I’m alright, the machine’s not broken, and I doubt anyone heard… um… they’re all looking at me…

Well, great workout session, Jon. Time to hit the showers.

ZOOM