Today I got brain freeze just from standing outside.

Well, not standing exactly. I was walking slowly because my joints were frozen. I was like the tin man, yelling feebly for oil.

I was going to an interview in Boston. Boston is usually warmer than the surrounding area because of the sea breeze, but today was not the case. Today it was one great big brass monkey.

I, of course, neglected to wear my goffy-ass wool cap. I was just as concerned with not looking stupid as I was with not messing up my hair. It’s a good idea not to go into an interview looking like you just walked out of the lightning room of the Museum of Science.

So I found a parking space, got out of my car, and I was hit with a wall of cold. I had only made it a few steps when my brain was seething with the pain I had, before today, only associated with eating ice cream too fast.

In retrospect, I would have suffered any hair ruffling over the absolute agony of being bareheaded in sub-arctic temperature with high speed winds. When I finally reached the building after a long walk from my car (it is Boston after all), my brain felt like a slushy.

I was supposed to ask the security guard to direct me to the Robinson building. What I managed to do was stumble towards him (my eyeballs were frozen over), and let out a semi coherent sentence despite wind-blasted lips and no small amount of frozen snot blocking all my passages. He seemed to understand what I said, which is cool because all I could remember saying was, “Awaag ooof bin wop.”

This wasn’t colder than any other winter in New England, but today was just about as bad as it gets. It’s not that I never expected it to be this cold, but in getting all gussied up, I had neglected to wear anything warm. At least I knew that if I froze to death in mid-stride, I’d make a good looking statue.