Today was my last day of work and I had every intention of begining the moving process tomorrow and continuing it casually through the next week until my last day in this appartment on January 31st.

When I got home there was a message on the answering machine. Boston University. I had interviewed there for a graphic design position about two weeks ago. I was so certain back then that I wasn't what they wanted. Apparently I was wrong because they want a second interview.

So now, after I've resigned myself to moving, quit my job, and started to pack up to move back to New Hampshire, I learn I'm a prime candidate for this position as well as another job in Newton.

I guess I should stay. It's going to cost me the remainder of my savings, but I should stay and follow up on these jobs. I don't even know if I can design anymore, I've had this horrible "designer's block" for months now. I've been producing nothing but crap lately, and I know it. Maybe it's just burnout from not knowing if I'd still be employed week after week.

But what are my options? Go back to NH? The graphic design market there doesn't exist. If I went back there I'd most likely wind up doing something else. I'm OK with that, but would I be passing up these golden opportunities just because I didn't think I was good enough as a designer? I mean, it's what I went to school for.

And if I get the job, what then? Will I actually make enough to start saving money instead of living paycheck to paycheck, or will I be in the same boat, only with medical benefits this time? And do I want to keep living on my own? It's expensive, but more importantly, it's lonely. I haven't exactly made new friends around here, except for my upstairs neighbors and they're vibrating things. I miss my NH friends.

Stay and pay? Go home and save? Missed opportunties? Better jobs? More money? My friends?

Fuck, fuck, fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck.