I recently switched Hotmail accounts. The only reason I use Hotmail in the first place is as a “junk mail account.” You know, the address I give when I order stuff online. That way all of that company’s “affiliates” send their credit card offers to an address that I simply empty out every week.

That’s the catch with any company’s, “Privacy Policy.” They say whatever information you give them is kept private… and used only by that company or any “Trusted Partners.” Of course, “Trusted Partners,” are ANYONE who will pay them for your personal information. These "Trusted Partners," then send you ads and sell your info to any other company that will pay for it.

Blocking addresses won’t work because they create new accounts with various companies and use them only once before moving on to another. Blocking specific words in the title won’t work because they butcher the language and misspell everything so you can’t block them. AAARG!

But this time I started fresh, and so far things are OK. I actually created a new account and deleted my old one. If you listen closely, you can hear the weeping of 3 million penis-enlarger salesmen.

Things were getting weird towards the end there. They used the subject headings to trick me into reading them. I started getting letters whose subject was something like, “Where were you on Monday?” Then I’d open the letter. Porn. And others like, “Important message from your credit card company!” Porn.

After a while they dropped the misleading subjects and just laid it all out. I got letters like, “Nancy gets Nookie from an Ardvark,” “Suzy Screws a Rodeo Cowboy,” and one of my favorites, “Check out Brad’s New Boobs!”

One of the last letters I got before I closed the account said, “Beautiful Women Keep Their Clothes on and Have a Meaningful Conversation!” Out of curiosity, I opened it up. Porn.