Let’s look through the help wanted ads today, shall we?

Assistant Snow Removal Supervisor

“OK, now tell them they’re doing a good job and to keep shoveling.”

Dance & Cheerleading Instructor

YES! Sign me up!

Buyer Wanted

That’s me all over!

Store Floater

Employees please remember to flush.

Press Brake Operator – for production work. Must be able to read simple prints. Set-up experience a plus.

“Let’s see, set up. Place foot on pedal, then press brake. I can do that!”

Amanda Punch Press Operators – 1st & 2nd shift. 1 yr experience a must.

“What did Amanda ever do to you?”

Full time position – working 1:1 with a young woman with challenging behavior. Experience helpful.

“I can handle challenging. I’ll bet I can kick her ass at chess.”

Reconditioner wanted. Exper. Pref’d. full time. Salary negotiable.

“The fan on my air conditioner broke, now it’s a reconditioner.”

Sewer – Experienced sewer wanted for varied and interesting work.

“I’ll bet you take a lot of shit as a Sewer.

Hospitality Sales

“Personally, I specialize in hostility sales. Now buy something, bitch!”

LNA and MNA training as well as openings for RN, LPN and MA.

Umm.... wtf?

We need you, we want you, we’ll pay you! No nights no weekends, earn $10-12/hr. + tips. $150 hiring bonus.

This is how I ask a girl out.

Fish Cutter – PT Pay up to $20 per hr. Mon-Fri. Exp & Skill a plus.

“My lifelong dream come true!”